Attack of the Fanpeoples Season 3
by kandee land
Summary: The two girls are at it again. But this time a movie, The Road to El Dorado. WE DO NOT OWN THIS MOVIE OR ANY NAMES. Even though Pen thinks we do.
1. Chapter 1

**KLAN/PFAN: We're baaaaack! You know you missed us!……*cricket cricket, you suck***

**KLAN: Okay, so the crickets hate us...**

**PFAN:...And we're totally bored. Anyways, THIS IS WHY WE DON'T WATCH OLD ANIMATED MOVIES!!!**

**KLAN: Pen, happy pills?**

**PFAN: NOOOO!**

**VoRAN: Pen?**

**PFAN: WHAT?!?!**

**VoRAN: Shut it!. No talking until you've calmed down....*VoR does math* sooo, that should give us about one chapter to write without interruption. So anyway, they had to finally clean off the counter, and they found....The Road to El Dorado. Of course they started watching it, and because of tremendous amounts of salt water taffy, they decided to write a FANFIC!!!! *she appears with the OMFG, Why the hell are we doing this face* We're all gonna die!**

**PFAN: Don't be a pessimist, that's my job.**

**KLAN: Can we pweese start the story now?*PDPoD (puppy dog pout of doom)***

**VoRAN: Fine. Now presenting The Road to El Dorado. Fan Girl style.**

**Attack of the FanGirls**

**The Road to El Dorado**

**Chapter 1**

**Spain 1519**

Cortes reaches into the well for a glass of water. "Today, we sail to conquer the New World. For Spain, for glory, for gold!" Cortes explains. The six guards shoot their guns, scaring Vareen. "Vareen, eyes forward." Cortes then throws the glass behind him, hitting a wanted poster with Kat and Sarah etched onto it.

**In a back alley:**

"Seven!" Sarah exclaims.

"Alright!" Kat cheers afterward.

Sarah throws the dice again, "Yes!"

"Partners! Hey!" Both girls say as they give each other a high five.

"_Tons of gold for you! Hey! Tons of gold for me! Hey! Tons of gold for we! Ha!"_Kat sings while prancing around with her mandolin.

"Hey! Hey!Hey!" Kat and Sarah turn around to confront the Big Scary Sailor Dude. "One more roll!"

"Uhhh, guys! You're broke! You've got nothing else to bet with!" Sarah says with a slight laugh.

The Big Scary Sailor recoils, "Oh yeah? We've got this" He reaches into his vest and pulls out a piece of paper and shows it to Kat and Sarah.

"A map?" Sarah asks while taking a step forward.

"A map?" Kat then asks excitedly.

"A map. Of the wonders of the New World." The sailor says while unrolling the paper.

Kat walks up to the sailor for a closer look. "Wow!" She then grabs Sarah. "Let's have a look." Many incoherent whispers later..."Sarah look here" She grabs Sarah and face plants her into the map.

"Excuse us for one moment, please." Sarah then studies the map.

"Look, El Dorado, the city of gold, this could be our destiny, **(why does that ring a bell),** our fate."

"Kat, if I believed in fate, I wouldn't be using loaded dice." She holds the dice out for Kat. Kat then stares at Sarah with 'the face'. "Not the face." Kat them whimpers, pants, and smiles as Sarah says "No" repeatedly. **(PFAN/KLAN: PDPoD!!!!)**

The sailor then grabs the map, and continues, "I said one more roll. My map against your cash."

"All right peewee, you're on!" Sarah says while grabbing her dice out of her vest.

"Not with those, this time we use my dice." The sailor says pulling out his pair of dice.

"Ugh." Sarah slumps

"Got a problem with that?"

Sarah shakes her head "no". She then places the dice back in her vest pocket, and grabs the sailor's dice. She then turns toward Kat and whispers, "I'm going to kill you" She turns back around. " Come on, baby, mamma needs that stinking map." She gestures to one of the men in the crowd to blow on the dice, they walk away in a huff, she blows on them. Meanwhile, Kat continues to play her flamenco style music on the mandolin. "Stop it! Show me seven!" She throws the dice. The crowd gasps when the dice land. Sarah opens her eyes, "Seven!"

"All right!"

"Seven!"

"Yes!"

Sarah continues to laugh like this is a miracle, "There it is!" She drops down to get the gold. "Well, nice doing business with you!" Just then, her dice fall out of her pocket.

The sailor notices the dice and starts pounding the ground beside them to make them jump. "I knew it!" Sarah grabs the dice and Kat plays a couple chords on the mandolin. "Your dice are loaded!"

Sarah grabs Kat's mandolin to make her stop, "What? You gave me loaded dice?" She walks right into a not so happy guard. "She gave me loaded dice. Guard arrest her!"

"You dare to impugn my honor? She was the one cheating, arrest her! She tricked these sailors and took their money."

"Oh, now I'm the thief?"

"Yes"

"Take a look in the mirror, pal." Sarah motions for Kat to look into the guard's shining armor.**(****KLAN/PFAN: shiny......)**

"Oh you better give them their money back or I'll..." Kat looks around for something to fight with. "En garde!"

"En garde, yourself. I will give you the honor of a quick and painless death." Grabs a guards dagger on accident, "But, not with that, ha!" then replaces it with the Guard's sword. "I prefer to fight fairly. Aha! Well, any last words?"

"I will cut you to ribbons, fool!"

"Such mediocrity, let your sword do the talking."

"I will, it will be loquacious to a fault!"

"Ha! Take that! You...mincing, fencing, twit."

"Ah, you fight like my sister."

"I fought your sister. That would be a compliment.

"Braggart!"

"Heathen!" The two girls jump on top of a roof and continue fighting. Sarah steps on a weak roofing tile and falls on her bottom. One of the onlookers yells, "Kill her!"

Sarah is still fighting sitting down, "Not the face, Not the face!" Kat takes Sarah's sword and bows politely. "Ladies and gentleman, we've decided, it's a draw." Sarah says while taking a bow.

"Thank you for coming" Kat then throws the swords to the guards feet.

"You've been great! See you soon!"

"Adios!" The two girls jump off the roof and land in a bull pen. "Congratulations. You're very good."

"No. That was good." Sarah says nodding.

"Very...." Just then the bull snorts right in the girls' faces. They both look dumbstruck at the bull. "I think we should have kept our swords." Kat says gulping.

"Y-Yeah. Yeah. I've got a plan."

"What is it?"

"Uh, well...uh, you...pet him....I'll....run!" Sarah says while starting to get up.

"Yeah..." Sarah ones of leaving Kat behind. When Kat catches up she yells, "Uh, well thanks a lot!" They then start climbing over a wooden fence, but the bull plows it into the wall of a building about 10 feet behind them. Kat and Sarah run for their lives. **(KLAN: WooHoo! Author note!!! How are you readers? PFAN: Dez, please pay attention. Okay, so this is the required chase scene with the bull, guards, and townsfolk. Lets start the music. VoR? VoRAN: *grabs the boom box and presses play*. ~The flamenco style, life-saving music starts playing~)**

As the girls are running, there are a couple of roadblocks. "Whoa!!!" Both girls scream.

The angry mob that formed yells "There they are!"

A bunch of guards block the road in front of Kat and Sarah. They run into a house on either side of the street and out the other door behind the guards. "Bye. Thank You! Uhhhh.....Ohhhhh!" Then the bull plows right into the guards. The two girls stop running right before they fall off the roof. They both look out over the docks.

"I'll bet we can make that." Kat says smiling.

"Two pesetas says we can't."

"You're on!" They then leap into two barrels of pickles. "You lose." Sarah flips two coins into Kat's barrel. "Ohhhh!"

"Whoa. What's happening here?"

"We're both in barrels. That's the extent of my knowledge." The barrels are loaded onto a ship. Once they're stationary again, the girls push out the corks in the side of the barrels so they may talk to each other.

"Okay, Kat, we gotta move fast. On three, we jump out and head for the dock."

"Good, good, okay, excellent."

They both start counting. "One, two three..." just as they push up on three, two crew men place a very large trunk on top of the two barrels. "TH-Three! Three! Ohh! Three!" both girls say straining.

**Later that night:**

"Uh, you ready? Ah, okay. One more. Let's go." Sarah says. Just as they start counting again, the two crew men take the trunk off of the barrels.

"One, two, three!" They open the barrels and stand there, not knowing what's going on.

"Excuse us." Sarah says scared.

"Okay, um, we're outta here."

"Who ordered the, uh, pickles?" Kat and Sarah then end up in shackles and taken to the captain. They are thrown onto their knees, scared.

Kat looks up. "Cortes!" She says quietly.

"My crew was as carefully chosen as the disciples of Christ. And I will not tolerate stowaways. You will be flogged. And when we put into Cuba to resupply, God willing, you will be flogged some more...and then enslaved on the sugar plantations...for the rest of your miserable lives. To the brig." Cortes explains.

Just as Kat and Sarah are grabbed Kat says with a smile, "All right! Cuba!"

**PFAN: OkieDokiePokieSmokieArtichokieCantoloupie!**

**KLAN: Okay so we're going to explain ourselves a little. Pen?**

**PFAN: 'Kay, well, we were totally bored and we were watching The Road to El Dorado. And decided to write a Fic.**

**KLAN: Would you describe the characters?**

**PFAN: Sure. The two main characters in the movie are Miguel and Tulio. We had to change that, Miguel is now Kat, and Tulio is now Sarah. Here's a description of what they kinda look like.**

**Kat AKA Dizzy(Miguel): Kat wears basically the same outfit as Miguel. Tan pants, a red baggie shirt, and tan shoes. She has light brown hair with a little bit of blond in it. She is the lively one of the duo. Very happy, all the time. Always has the map to El Dorado hidden on her person. She's the sensitive and artistic one of the pair.**

**Sarah AKA Pen(Tulio): She wears basically the same outfit as Tulio. A grayish/ blue vest over a blue shirt, grayish/ green pants, and black shoes. She has long red hair tied into a low pony tail down her back. She is the practical and logical of the pair. Has her dice in her vest pocket through out the story.**


	2. Chapter 2

**PFAN: 'Kay, we're gonna do a quick recap of what we're doing.**

**KLAN: Last chappie: Kat and Sarah play dice, win a map to the New World. Get chased by a bull, guards, and townspeople. And....Kat thinks they're going to Cuba. Anything else Pen?**

**PFAN:Nope. Just a comment, we get chased a lot in these stories.**

**KLAN: Yep! Hey, at least this time it's not some big, scary dude with retractable claws.**

**PFAN: Good Point.**

**VoRAN: Okay, So this movie is a musical, so there will be moments when these two *points at Dez and Pen* will break out in song. **

**KLAN/PFAN: *Setting up boom-box, and pretending to sing* **

**VoRAN: Anyway, here's the chappie.**

**Chapter 2**

One of the sailors walks by Vareen with a basket of apples. "Hey these aren't for you. Your on half rations. Orders from Cortes." An apple falls accidentally from the basket, and Vareen watches it roll away. The apple rolls through the grate in the deck to the brig, landing on Kat's lap.

"Huh?" Kat says tiredly when the apple falls. She notices Sarah hitting her head on a support beam, and crawls over. "So, um, how's the- how's the escape plan coming?"

"All right. Wait, I'm getting something"

"Yeah?" Sarah continues to hit her head.

"Okay, Here's the plan, in the dead of night, you and I, grab some provisions, hijack one of those, uh, long boat thingies, and sail back to Spain like there's no manana!"

"Back to Spain, yeah?"

"Yep."

"In a row boat?"

"You got it!"

"Great, all right, and that's your plan, yeah?"

"That's pretty much it."

"Well, I like it." Kat says with a smile. "So, How do we get on deck?"

"Uhhh, in the dead of night, you and I, grab some provisions, hijack one of those long boats..."

"Ugh, great!"

"Well, okay, what's you plan smart one?"

"Wh-What? Don't ask me that. You're the one with the plans." Vareen whinnies up on deck. "Wait, uh, I have an idea." Kat says while standing up, "Come on, give me a boost." Kat sticks her hands, still holding the apple, through the grate and calls Vareen over. "Hey! Hey, Vareen! You want a nice apple? Come and get it, but you have to do me a trick, first. Find a pry bar. A long piece of iron with a hooky thing at the end."

"Kat, you're talking to a horse!"

"Sh,sh. That's it. Find the pry bar."

"Yes, find the pry bar. He can't understand 'pry bar'. He's a dumb horse, there's no way he..." Vareen drops the keys in to the cell. "Well, it's not a pry bar." Kat shrugs.

**Later that night:**

Kat quietly closes the door to the brig and walks over to the row boat, where Sarah is stocking it with food and supplies. Vareen comes and nudges Kat's back. "Huh?" she sighs. "Oh Vareen, oh thank you old boy. Listen if we can ever return the favor..." Vareen smells the apple in Kat's shirt.

"Oh, for Pete's sake, Kat, he's a ruthless war horse, not a poodle. C'mon, before he licks you to death."

"Adios" Kat jumps into the lowered row boat. Vareen runs to the banister whinnying, "Sh, sh. Quiet please."

"What's the matter now?!"

"Oh, he wants his apple." Kat says while pulling out the fruit.

"Well give it to him, before he wakes up the whole ship." Sarah grabs the apple, "Fetch!" Sarah throws the apple. It bounces off of sails and telescopes before landing in the water. Vareen runs to the edge of the ship and stops abruptly before jumping overboard.

"Vareen!" Kat yells while diving into the water.

"Kat! _Don't save the horse, keep the boat steady_." Sarah loses grip on the ropes and the boat falls into the water.

"Vareen, I'm coming!" Kat says while trying to swim towards him.

"Kat!"

"Hang on, I'm right here old boy!" Kat says while grabbing the reins.

"Kat, Have you gone insane?!?!" **(VoRAN: Yes, yes she has.)(KLAN: Got a point there.)**

"Help is coming." says Kat as she swims toward the boat with Vareen.

Sarah looks up at another ship in the fleet and says, "Ho-O-oly SHIP!!" The boat gets flipped over and all three of them congregate underneath it. "Loop the rope under the horse!"

"Yes!" Kat grabs the rope and swims under the boat and horse to the other side, climbing on top of it, and helping Sarah up afterwards.

"On the count of three, pull back on the rope."

"What!?"

"Three!" Sarah says just as another ship comes dangerously close.

They turn the ship right side up, and Vareen is safely inside of it. "Sarah!"

"Hey! it worked!" Sarah says as both girls climb into the boat. "Did any of the supplies make it?"

"Well, um, yes and no." Kat says watching Vareen eat some carrots.

"Oh, Well great!" Sarah says sitting up.

"Sarah, look on the positive side. At least things can't get any..." Then it starts pouring down rain.

"Excuse me, were you going to say 'worse'?"

"No"

"No?"

"No"

"Absolutely sure?"

"I revised that whole thing. We're at least in a row boat."

"Yeah. we're in a row boat."

The next morning, Kat and Sarah are trying to row the boat with the extra weight of Vareen. They get caught in a storm, and when it settles down a sea gull collapses on an oar. The two girls smack their lips at the idea of food, when a shark comes up and bites off the part of the oar the sea gull was sitting on. **(KLAN: HUMILATION!!!!! PFAN: Nice touch. KLAN: Thanks!)**

**A little bit later in the heat of the day:**

"Sarah, did you ever imagine it would end like this?" Kat asks as she's leaning on Sarah back.

"The horse is a surprise." Vareen snickers after Sarah says that.

"Any regrets?"

"Besides dying? Yeah. I never...had enough...gold."

"My regret besides dying...is that our greatest adventure is over before it even began, and now no one will even remember us."

"Well if its any consolation, Kat, you've made my life an adventure." Sarah says as she starts crying.

"And if its any consolation, Sarah, I blame you."

"What?

"You've made my life rich." Kat finishes right as she starts to sniffle. Five seconds later the boat washes up onto a sandy beach. Both girls grab a handful of sand and smile, "Is it?"

"It is"

"It's land!" Both girls yell as they jump out of the boat and start kissing the ground. Kat freaks Sarah out when she screams after accidentally kissing a skull.

They stand up, Kat rubs at her mouth like she's disgusted, Sarah asks, "All in favor of going back to the boat, say Aye!"

"Aye!" Kat says while raising her hand.

"Aye! Go!" Sarah yells as she runs back to the boat.

Kat starts walking back to the boat, but stops and turns back around, pulling out her map.

"Hey, Kat! I could use some help!" Sarah starts walking over to Kat. "Kat! Hello?"

Kat turns around, "Sarah! We did it!"

"What's that? Is that the map?"

"It's all right here!"

"You still have the map?"

"The whistling rock! That stream!"

"You kept the map, but you couldn't grab a little bit more food?"

"Even those mountains. You said so yourself: It could be possible. And it is! It really is....the map to El Dorado!!" Kat says while staring at Sarah.

"You drank the seawater, didn't you?"

"Oh, come on!"

"I'm not coming on! I wouldn't set foot in that jungle for a million pesetas!" Sarah says walking back to the boat.

"How about a hundred million?" Kat said turning back to Sarah.

"What?"Sarah said pausing

"You know, dust, nuggets, bricks, a temple of gold where you can pluck the gold from the very walls." Kat says while walking to the boat. "But you don't want to go, so let's... just get back in the boat and row back to Spain. After all, it worked so well last time."

Sarah mumbles something, "Wait! Mmmm. Wait a minute, new plan. We find the city. We take the gold, and then we go back to Spain."

"And buy Spain!" Kat walks over to one of the skeletons.

"Yeah!"

"That's the spirit!" Kat grabs one of the swords. "Come on, Sarah. We'll follow that trail!"

"What trail?"

Kat runs over to a bunch of vines and starts cutting through them, "The trail that we blaze!" Kat stands back to let the vines fall, revealing, a rock. Kat points to another spot, "That trail that we blaze!"

Vareen starts walking away, Sarah grabs him, "Oh, no you don't." Vareen and Sarah start walking, and Vareen bites her butt, "Yeow! Your horse just bit me in the butt!"

**(KLAN: WooHoo! Pen get the boom- box ready!!! PFAN: Got it!!!A one, two, three!*grabs the mic*)**

_Look out New World here we come, brave intrepid...._

"Charge!" Kat says pointing the way for Vareen.

_And then some, Pioneers of maximum audacity whose résumes show that we are just the team to live where others merely dream._

"What are you looking at?" Sarah says to the armadillo watching her.

_Building up our head of steam..._

"Whoa!!!!" Sarah says grabbing on to Vareen running past.

_On the trail we blaze. Changing legend into fact, we shall ride into History. Turning myth into truth, we shall surely gaze on the sweet unfolding of an antique mystery. All will be revealed. On the trail we blaze!_

"Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!" Sarah says as a piranha bites her butt

_On the trail we blaze..._

"Dinner is served." Kat says handing Sarah the cooked piranha.

"Hello." Sarah says to the armadillo who takes the fish.

_Paradise is close at hand. Shangri- La, the Promised Land. Seventh heaven on demand. Quite unusual nowadays, virgin vistas undefiled. Minds and bodies running wild. In the man behold a child. On the trail we blaze. The trail we blaze is road uncharted through Terra incognita to a golden shrine. No place for the traveler to be faint hearted. We are part of a sumptuous grand design. Changing legend into fact. We shall ride into History turning myth into truth we shall surely gaze on the sweet unfolding of an antique mystery. All will be revealed, on the trail we blaze!_**(KLAN: *turns off boom-box* That was fun! hehe)**

"Whoa!!!!" The two girls fall off a ledge followed by Vareen and the armadillo.

**KLAN: Thank you!! **

**PFAN: Thank you very much!**

**KLAN: We'll be back soon :)**

**PFAN: Wait! We have more characters to introduce.**

**KLAN: Oh yeah.**

**Vareen (Altivo): Vareen chose this role herself. She literally did.**

**The Armadillo: His name is John. John the Armadillo.**

**John: Sheilas, Oi have one question, why?**

**KLAN: There's a scene where the armadillo plays with sparklers. I thought of you.**

**PFAN: Stop crushing. We need to start the next chappie.**

**KLAN/PFAN: Review Please!**


	3. Chapter 3

**KLAN/PFAN: We're baaaaaaackkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**PFAN: And we have some new friends coming into the story; Remy, Sandy and the triplets, and AJ!!!!!!!!!!WooHoo!!!!!!**

**KLAN: OH! Don't forget John the stalker Armadillo!!!!!!**

**PFAN: He already got introduced. Remember?**

**KLAN: NOPE! We, well I, had sugar.......CAN YOU TELLLL!!!!!?!?!?!?!*bounces happily***

**VoRAN: STOP IT! Can we start the chappie?**

**PFAN/KLAN: fine........Here's the chappie...............**

**Chapter 3**

The girls land roughly next to a big slab of rock. Sarah wakes up and studies the map and the rock. Before waking Kat up. She snaps her fingers and bends down, "Kat, Kat, wake up." Kat groans, "We're there."

"We found it?"

"Oh, yeah we found it."

"Huh!" Kat jumps up. "Fantastic, where is it? How far?"

"Right here."

"Where?"

"Here." Sarah says pointing to the ground.

"Behind the rock?" Kat says excitedly.

"No, no. This is it." Sarah walks to Kat with the map.

"Give me that." Kat says grabbing the map. "This can't....."

"Apparently, El Dorado is native for......GREAT BIG ROCK!!!!!!!!! Hey, but I'll tell you what, I'm feeling generous, so you can have my half." Sarah says, climbing onto Vareen.

"You don't think....Cortes could have gotten here first....and......." Kat stammers.

"And what? Taken all the really big rocks?" Sarah says sarcastically. "The scoundrel."

"Sarah...we...we have to think about this.....we've come all this way.....and we.....we....should really...."

Sarah interjects, kinda mad, "Get on the horse!"

Kat sighs and pouts, let me rephrase that, puts on the Puppy Dog Face of Doom!!!**(KLAN: Hehe, PDFoD!!!!!!!!!)**

"No, no,no, no, not the face." Sarah pulls Kat up, "Stop." She steadies the horse, "Looks like there's a path over there."

A figure comes running towards the two girls out of the fog holding something round in his hands. He runs around the rock and bumps into the horse, startling the two girls. Sarah moves the horse backwards and looks around the other side of the rock to see and angry mob. The girls get scared and try to ride away, but get cornered by the mob. Vareen heels on her hind legs and scares all the men in the mob. The fugitive guy passes the "ball" back and forth to Sarah. "Uh, hello. This your rock? Sorry, we were just looking. We're um, tourists, tourist. We, we lost our group, yeah....May we go now?" The leader of the mob walks up and sticks his spear under Sarah's chin. "Hehe, spears." He motions them to follow. They walk through a waterfall, into a secret cave and get in little canoe thingies. Kat, Sarah, Vareen, and the fugitive are all in the same boat.

They row through some vines and Kat smiles, "Its, it's El Dorado........"

The girls are guided onto the little dock area. Sarah sighs, "Well, it was nice working with you partner."

"Sarah, I just wanted you to know, I'm sorry about that guy in Barcelona."

"So, you....." She growls a little.

"Behold! As the prophecies for told. The time of judgement is now! Citizens, did I not predict that the gods would come to us?" Tzekhal Khan walks down the stairs to Sarah and Kat. "Hehehe, my lords. I am Tzekhal Khan, your devoted high priest, and speaker for the gods."

"Hey..."Sarah says with a little smile.

"I am Chief AJ. What names may we call you?"

"I am Kat."

"And I am Sarah."

Kat falls off the horse, getting her foot stuck in the reins, "And they call us Kat and Sarah."

"Your arrival has been greatly anticipated." Tzekhal states.

"My lords, how long will you be staying in El Dorado?"

"Uh Ha! I see you've captured this temple robbing thief!"Tzekhal says grabbing the fugitive. He walks over to Sarah and Kat, "How would you have us punish him?"

"No. no. no. My lord, I am not a theif, **(KLAN:Well not in this story, technically.:))**See, the gods, sent me a vision to bring them tribute from the temple to guide them here. My only wish is to serve the gods."

"Release him.....don't you think?" Sarah says.

Tzekhal releases him, "Then you will begin by returning this to its rightful place."

"My lords, why now do you choose to visit us?" Chief asks.

"Ugh, enough! You do not question the gods."

"That's right! Do not question us!" Kat says, in a manly tone of voice. "Or we would have to unleash our awesome and terrible power. And you don't want that."

"Well yes we do!" Tzekhal says happily.

"You do?"

"Of course we do. Visit your wrath upon this nonbeliever. Show us the truth of your divinity."

"Divinity..." Sarah interjects, "One moment." She pulls Kat away to chat. "Kat, you know that little voice people have that tell them to quit when they're ahead? You don't have one!" **(KLAN: I really don't)**

"But I'm sorry, I just got carried away."

"Way away!" John the Armadillo plays with a butterfly around Sarah's feet.

"Maybe we should tell the truth, and, and beg for mercy."

"Are you nuts?"

"Yes"

"We'd be butchered alive."

"Yes, but what if they get suspicious? If we don't come up with some sort of mega cosmic event..." The volcano in the background starts to erupt.

Sarah is rubbing her head at all the distractions; the armadillo playing with the butterfly, the roar of the volcano, and Vareen's whinnies.

"Sarah, Sarah. come on..."

"I'm trying, I'm trying. These distractions. you horse...."

Kat hits Sarah on the forehead a couple times, "Think, think, think."

"STOP!!!!!!" Sarah yells, John stops playing, Vareen quiets down, and the volcano gets sucked back into the dome with a puff. The girls turn around to see everyone bowing down to them. The girls strike a little pose, feeling accomplished.

As Kat passes a guard, she says, "Don't make me start it up again, cause I will...."

"Oh mighty lords. Come, let me show you to your temple."

"Alright, temple."Kat says happily.

When the two girls get to the top off the stairs they collapse on the top and sigh, "Sugar.........." But quickly regain their godly appearance when Tzekhal Khan turns around.

Tzekhal and the Chief invite them in. The two girls walk inside and smile.

"To commemorate your arrival, I propose a reverend ceremony at Dawn." Tzekhal says.

"Uh, then perhaps I can prepare a glorious feast for you tonight?" Chief Aj says shyly.

"Which would you prefer?"

Kat looks at Sarah, "Both?"

"Both." Sarah says.

The two girls say in unison, looking to the two men, "Both. Both is good."

"My lords."

"My lords. And so dawns the age of the jaguar. Hehe, happy New Year." Tzekhal tells Aj.

**Back inside:**

Kat and Sarah look around, Kat smiles, "Hey."

"Hey, hey."

Kat bursts out in laughter. "Sarah, they actually think we're gods."

"Its an entire city of suckers." Vareen notices the fugitive and whinnies. "We just have to keep this up long enough to load up on the gold and get the hell out of here."

"Sarah, we'll be living like Kings!"

"Queens." Sarah corrects.

"Kat and Sarah!"

"Sarah and Kat!"

"Mighty and powerful Gods...esses!" The girls say together.

"Hello." The girls jump up onto a sofa and scream. "Hehe"

"Begon, mortal, or we'll strike you with the ligthning bolt."

"Beware the wrath of the gods. Begone, chk- chk." Kat says do little air quotes.

"Save it for the High Priest, honey. You're gonna need it."

Kat does it again, "Kat, It's not working. Kat, we've been caught."

"Oh, no. Don't worry about me, girls. My only wish is t' serve the gods. Remember?"

"How?" Sarah asks.

"Well, if you want the gold, and you don't want wanna get caught, right? You're going to need my help." He explains.

"What makes you think we need your help?" Kat asks.

"Chk-chk, are ya'll serious?" He asks.

"Okay, so, uh, who are you?" Kat asks

"Yeah, what's your angle?" Sarah then asks.

"No angle. Ah want in."

"In?" Sarah asks

"On the scam."

"There's no scam. Why would you think there's a scam." Sarah realizes something, "Why?"

"So Ah can get out." He explains.

"I thought he just said he wanted in?" Kat asks, dumbfounded.

"He wants in, so he can get out." Sarah explains.

"Ah ha, got it! Why?"

"Think you're the only ones who dream of better tings? Of adventure? You've got your reasons, and, Ah've got mine. Let's not make it personal, okay. It's just business. So when you girls are ready to go back to, where ever it is that you came from, Ah'm going wit you."

Sarah interjects, "HAHAHA, no, noooo. Don't think so."

"Alright, fine, after all Ah'm sure you know the proper rituals for blessing a tribute, the holiest days on the calendar, oh! and y'all know all about Xi Balba. Okay? Good Luck." He starts walking away, "See you at the execution."

"Wait, woah. Hold it." Sarah says running over to him.

"Hehe, deal?"

Kat quickly runs over and grabs his hand, "Deal!"

"Not yet." Sarah says, grabbing Kat's arm. "Let's just see how this works out."

"Uh huh, well Ah suppose you'll be wanting these back." He pulls out Sarah's dice.

Sarah pats herself down, "How you get those?"

"Where was he keeping them?"

"Call me Remy. Ya new partner!" Remy says, squeezing through the girls and tossing a bunch of fabric on them.

"Uh, that's partner in training." Sarah corrects.

"Now, put these on. Y'all public's waiting." He sits down on a cushion.

Sarah and Kat start to undress. Sarah notices Remy, "Do you mind?"

"No. Oh, oh, gotcha. Bye."

"mmmHmmmHmmm. Maybe they should call this place Rem Dorado." Kat says, nudging Sarah with her elbow.

"Hehehehe, he's whoa, WHOA!!! He's trouble, wait a minute. The little voice. Remember the little voice? For a second, just pretend that you have one. What would it be saying about Remy?"

Kat stares at the curtain. "Purrrrrr."

Sarah grabs Kat's shoulders, "No! no. Listen, we are partners."

"We're partners."

"We have a plan, remember?"

"Find the gold, go back to Spain."

"Yes! and we are pretending to be gods. Now put Remy into the mix. What's the voice saying? Listen carefully."

"Remy is off limits?"

"Bravo! Remy is off limits. Shake on it."

"Plus, we're supposed to be gods. We must avoid giving into temptation."

"Gods. That's going to be harder than I thought."

"Sarah, relax. All you have to do is smile, look godly, and follow my lead." Kat pushes her out the door. _"Follow Kat's lead? We're doomed."_ Sarah says to herself.

The girls walk out the door. AJ sees them and cues the band. "Big smile, like you mean it!"

_"I hardly think I'm qualified. To come across all sanctified. I just don't cut it with the cherubim"_

"Sarah, what are you talking about?"

_"There again they're on their knees"_

_"Being worshipped is a breeze. Which rather suits us in the interim."_

"Interim, interim, it's me and her"

_"It's tough to be a God. Tread where mortals have not trod. Be deified when really you're a sham. Be an object of devotion. Be the subject of psalms."_

"_It's a rather touching notion. All those prayers and those salaams."_

_"And who am I to bridle if I'm forced to be an idol. If they say that I'm a God, that's what I am_. What's more, if we don't comply, With the locals' wishes. I can see us being sacrificed or stuffed."

"Yes, you have a really good point there. That's very good thinking. _So let's be Gods, the perks are great. El Dorado on a plate.  
Local feelings should not be rebuffed."_

"Never rebuff, never rebuff the local feeling, no my friend"

_"It's tough to be a God. But if you get the people's nod. Count your blessings, keep them sweet, that's our advice. Be a symbol of perfection. Be a legend, be a cult. Take their praise, take a collection. As the multitudes exalt."_

"_Don a supernatural habit. "_

"_We'd be crazy not to grab it."_

_"So sign up two new Gods for paradise. Paradise"_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Tzekhal Khan pops up over Kat and Sarah's head scaring them out of their sleep. "Good morning my lords."

Kat whispers to Sarah, "He's baaack."

"Oh no." Sarah says, rubbing her head.

Tzekhal walks up to AJ, "And now, it's my turn. The Gods have awakened!!!"

Kat and Sarah look up, startled. Sarah falls out of the little carriage, then jumps back up really quick, "I'm okay. MmmHmm."

Remy walks over, Sarah asks, "Hey, Remy, what's going on?"

"It's not gonna be good."

"Thank you."

Tzekhal starts again, "This city has been given a great blessing! And what have we done to show our gratitude? A meager celebration? The Gods deserve a proper tribute! The beginning of a new era. The dawning of a new age. They demand sacrifice."

"Sacrifice?" Kat whispers/

"I don't like this."

"Sarah, we've got to do something."

"Stop! This is not a proper tribute."

"You do not want the tribute?"

Kat answers, "No, no, no, we, we want tribute, uh, its just that, uhm. Sarah tell him."

"The stars are not in position for this tribute."

"Stars?" Kat says under her breath. "Yep. Like she says, stars, can't do it. Not today."

"uh, well perhaps it is possible that I misread the heavens."

Kat steps up, "Don't worry. To err is human, to forgive...."

Aj interjects, "My lords! May the people of El Dorado offer you our tribute?" A bunch of women walk out with big trays and bags of gold. Kat and Sarah's jaws drop. "My lords, does this please you?"

"Yes very nice. Certainly acceptable. It'll do." The two girls say.

"The Gods have chosen, to Xi Balba?"

Remy sees the girls about to smile, and murmurs to himself, "No, don't, no."

"To Xi Balba!" The girls exclaim happily.

Remy does a face-palm, "Oh great."

The girls watch as the women throw the gold to Xi balba. Kat asks, "Hey Remy, what are they doing?"

"They're sendin'it to Xi Balba, the spirit world."

"Spirit world." Sarah says sheepishly.

"Ah'll take care of it." Remy says walking over to the chief. "Um, excuse me, the Gods have changed their minds about Xi Balba. They wish to bask in the reverend tat has been shown them."

"STOP! They wish to bask! Take the tribute to the Gods' temple!"

Remy walks back over to the girls, Sarah says, "Nice going."

**Some other part of the land:**

Cortes steps on a skull, crushing it, then moves his hair out of his face. He looks around the beach and notices one of his longboats. "Well, well, well, what do we have here?" He asks himself noticing the three sets of foot prints.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_"Tons of gold for you. He. Tons of gold for me. Ha. Tons of gold for we!"_ The girls sing happily.

"Not bad for a days work, ay?" Sarah asks.

"Not bad at all." Kat asnwers.

"We just became richer than the King of Spain."

"Speaking of King, the chief and high priest seem a bit..." Kat wobbles her hand a little. "Tense."

"Buenos días! Listen, all we have to do is keep playing the one against the other. You know, do a little god dance, chant some mystic mumbo jumbo, we'll dazzle them with some smoke and mirrors, and then get the hell back to Spain."

"Uh, Sarah, how are we going to get all this back to Spain?"

"Ummmmm........"

**Later:**

"A boat?" The chief asks.

"Yeah."

"Um we really hate to be ascending so soon, but, uh, some urgent business has come up, family matters...."Kat explains.

"Well, we expected you to be staying with us for the next thousand years."

"Well as we say in the spirit world, there's your plan, and then there's the God's plan. And our plan calls for a boat. We're gonna ascend in a horizontal pattern first, and then go vertical, as we get further out to sea."

"To build a boat large and glorious enough, would take about a week."

"A week? Uhhh, ummmm, wonder how long it would take Tzekhal Khan to do it?"

"But for the gods, three days."

"Well if thats the best you can do."

"Well perhaps if you weren't burdened with so much tribute...we could finish it sooner."

"I like it here. Kat?"

"Yeah three, three days is just fine."

**Back at the temple:**

Remy starts, "Non, three days is not fine." He tosses a pair of earrings in his hand, then looks over at Sarah, who is looking for something, He leans over, "Here, these are the ones."

"Thank you. How are we going to keep this up for three more days?"

Kat jumps off the pile of tribute and yawns, "You worry too much."

"No, no. I worry exactly the right amount."Sarah says running over to Kat. "Never worry too much. We just have to lie low."

"Lie low? But Sarah, this place is amazing. I mean I wonder what's over....."

Sarah cuts her off, "No! Don't even move."

"Sarah."

"Your moving. Just stand there."

"For three days?"

"Yes, exactly, three days. Don't even breathe, alright?"

"Alright, lie low."

"Ah ah, promise?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"Great, good, okay." She looks at Remy, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go load up on my gold."

Remy walks over to Kat, "Its beautiful, isn't it?"

"yeah..."

"You know you really shouldn't miss it."

"I know, but I couldn't..."

"Go ahead, Ah'll cover for you."

"Oh, Thank. Okay, So what happened to Vareen?"

"Ah don't know."

Sarah walks up singing, "Hey, what happened to Kat?"

"Ah don't know."

"Oh my god! She's gone. Kat's gone. She's loose. What am I going to do? Ahhhh!" Sarah starts running around the room, then finally sits done on the couch thingie.

Remy walks up to her, "Kat is right, you worry to much." He starts rubbing her back.

"Woah! Woah, big trouble. Look, we're in the middle of a con here, on the razors edge. On the one hand, gold. On the other hand, painful, agonizing failure, maybe even death! I can't afford any temp--distractions. I'm sorry, sooo sorry. But perhaps another time? Another place?"

"Too bad, Ah'm free now."

"I'm not sure I trust you."

"Ah'm not askin' you to trust me, am I?"

"Umm, 'kay."

**KLAN: They're kinda short, but oh well.**

**PFAN: Review please!**


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